A Completely Wicked Parody
by Merida's Hair
Summary: My attempt at a Wicked Parody. Please Read and Review! Note: Title may change
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I've read a few of these, and decided to try one. Hope you all like it!**

**Please Review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Wicked or Charlie the Unicorn. (You'll get the second one once you read the story).**

Glinda: Let us now celebrate the lies you have been given!

Ozians: HOORAY!

Glinda: Sings in a glass-shattering high soprano. Now I shall tell you about the life of the Witch, which all of you are celebrating the death of, even though she was actually a good person. (Gives the middle finger to Ozians).

Ozians: BOOO

Glinda: Deal with it. I'm telling you anyway.....

Midwife: She's green! AHHHHH! SCREAMS AND RUNS AWAY

Frex: I'm now going to hate you because you are my least favorite color. Oh Oz! Why couldn't have you been purple or blue!

Melena: Wow…….I actually married this guy.....

Glinda: So you see her life wasn't easy

Ozians: BOOOOO NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED

Glinda: Well I tried

Ozian: Glinda I heard from someone randomly one day running around with a Wicked poster that you were her friend. Is this true?

Glinda: Well......uh........COLLEGE TIME!

Elphaba: Yes I am green, and I have a whole boatload of fanfic writers who will agree with me. So go on and do something with your lives for a change and stop gawking at me.

Frex: Stop being yourself! Nessa always be yourself. I love you my dear, and here are some ridiculously expensive shoes that I will now give and give my oldest daughter nothing because I hate her for ridiculous reasons. Bye!

Galinda: SHUN THE GREEN GIRL! SHUNNN! SHUNNNN! SHUNNNNNNN...AH!

Madame Morrible: Okay then.....As far as room assignments go, Miss Nessarose you be staying in my quarters to I can assist you. Who will room with her sister, Miss.....Uhhhhhhh....The green one.

Elphaba: I think people get it already

Galinda: I unknowingly volunteer to be her roommate!

Elphaba: NO! MAGIC SPELL TIME!

Galinda: WHAT THE HELL WHY CAN'T I DO THAT!

Madame Morrible: Yay! Somebody with talent for the Wizard and I to corrupt...I mean for me to train to be the Grand Vizier of the Wizard!

Galinda: WHAT THAT WAS MY COLLEGE PLAN....Grrrrr

Elphaba: Someday All of Oz will be celebrating me!

Audience Members: Of Course........(Shifty eyes)

**

Galinda: I hate you

Elphaba: I hate you more

Galinda: No I hate you more!

Elphaba: NO I hate you more!!!

Galinda and Elphaba: CATFIGHT

Audience Member: Hey that doesn't happen until Act II!

Elphaba: Screw You

**

**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed the first section!**

**Read and Review!**

**Virtual Halloween candy to those of you who got the "Charlie the Unicorn" reference!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This is fun to write. Hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Wicked, RENT, or Phantom of the Opera**

**

Dr. Dillamond: Time to give back your pathetic excuses for essays! Miss Galinda....

Audience Member: Hey! You're supposed to say her name wrong! That's like the whole reason why she changes her name in the first place and undergoes a personality change!

Dr. Dillamond: Sorry! Miss _Glinda_ (Starts talking about History stuff, which only Elphaba is paying attention too).

Elphaba: Hey!

Board: ANIMALS SHOULD BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD!

Galinda: Hey how is the board talking?

Authoress: This is a parody. Lots of weird things happen.

Roger: Yep

Erik: Agreed

Authoress and Galinda: ................

Dr. Dillamond: CLASS DISMISSED. Oh dear, something bad is happening in Oz.

Elphaba: No Shiz. (After thinking for a moment) I should go tell the Wizard about this! (Foreshadowing)

**

Fiyero: Yay another school to get kicked out of!

Elphaba: Hey you almost ran me over! What a loser.....But he IS cute.......

Fiyero: Hey everybody! I'm here

Everybody: SHHH!

Fiyero: Yo people Hot prince over here!

Everybody! SHHH! WE'RE STUDYING

Boq: Miss Galinda I was wondering.....

Galinda: Look Biq! The hot scandalacious prince Fiyero is here!

Boq: Damn

Galinda: Oh why don't you go sit with that girl in the wheelchair. (So you can get OUT of here)

Boq: Okay. Yay! She looks about at lonely and pathetic as me!

Authoress: You just insulted yourself you know

Boq: Whatever

Galinda: OMIGOSH FIYERO I LOVE YOU

Fiyero: Uh you too.....(Subconsciously looks at Elphaba)

Galinda: Omg! You should throw a party in honor of our awesomeness!

Fiyero: All right. Hey, everybody lets have a party okay?

Everybody: NO WE ARE STUDYING

Fiyero: But we have cookies......

Everybody: COOKIES! PARTY TIME!

**

Elphaba: Stupid cute prince

Nessa: Elphaba stop being so angry just because I have a date and you don't!

Elphaba: Yes I am so very jealous of you going with Boq, who you are only going with because Galinda told him to ask you.

Nessa: NO ITS NOT TRUE GALINDA IS GOOD

Elphaba: Whatever you say sis......

Galinda: Here roomie have this hat that is clearly very pretty!

Elphaba: Well if Galinda says it is it must. Even though I loathe her, she does know about fashion styles. Maybe she is good….. (Insert good and evil argument here).

**A/N: More virtual Halloween candy to those of you who review!**

**:-)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Yay! Update! I wrote part of this in Math and the other part backstage during rehersals.**

Boq: Lemons and melons and pears

Nessa: Oh My!

Party-er: What a blantantly obvious Wizard of Oz reference! Hey its like a parody of a parody of a parody of a parody! Wait (Does math). Let me get back to you on that.....

Authoress: Okay then. Back to the real(ish) story!

Galinda: (Making out with Fiyero)

Madame Morrible: Excuse me (they continue to make-out) Excuse me!

Galinda: Madame Morrible? What in Ev are you doing here?

Fiyero: What in Ev?

Galinda: Yes. What in Oz? and Sweet Oz! are so out.

Fiyero: Okay.....

Madame Morrible: EXCUSE ME! Thank you. Miss Galinda, your roommate has blackmailed me into letting you into the sorcery seminar.

Galinda: Yay! I got what I want! But why?

Auhtoress: Maybe it's because of that hat you gave her? I don't know, I'm just putting that out there...

Galinda: Oh no! What is this strange feeling I have?

Authoress: Um.......Guilt?

Galinda: AHHHH GUILT

Fiyero: Ummm Galinda? isn't that your strangely attractive......I mean odd looking roommate?

Galinda: CRAP MORE GUILT!

Party-ers: Gasp!

Another party-er: HA-HA

Yet another party-er: Loser!

Elphaba: I should have known this was some sort of trap. Oh well. (Starts doing "The Elphie")

Party-er (Yes I know ther have been a lot of them): That dance is so 2003

Galinda: -Starts sneaking out the door-

Authoress: Oh no you don't! Get your frilly pink butt out there and help her out!

Galinda: Ummmm why?

Authoress: Because it's the moment when you guys become friends, and without that moment most of the events of Wicked don't happen! Wow do I have to explain the whole plot to you?

Galinda: I'm Shiz Galinda remember? Not Glinda the Good. (As you referenced when you spoke to Doctor Dillamond last chapter).

Authoress: Ugh would you please just become friends with her already?

Galinda: All right! (starts dancing "The Elphie along with Elphaba)

Elphaba: What are you doing?

Galinda: Helping you out! So shut it!

Authoress: And in this moment they become friends.......somehow

**

Galinda: Slumber party!

Elphaba: No

Galinda: Telling secrets?

Elphaba: no!

Galinda: Makeovers?

Elphaba: NO WAY IN OZ!

Galinda: Its "No way in Ev now"

Elphaba: Whatever!

Galinda: Your terrible at this friend thing aren't you? I know lets...tell each other something we haven't told anybody else........

Elphaba: Wouldn't that qualify as telling secrets?

Galinda: No (Giggles evilly)

Elphaba: -rolls eyes-

Galinda: (Since these next few lines are funny already, I WILL NOT allow the authoress to parody it). I'll go first. Fiyero and I are going to be married!!!! -Two minute long squeal-

Elphaba: He asked you already?

Galinda: No he doesn't know yet!

(Soap opera laughter)

Okay now.....you

Elphaba: Oh I don't know.....Hey-

Authoress: The following three minutes is a cute friendship moment that shouldn't be parodied so-

Audience Member 1: Hey she's making us miss this part!

Audience Member 2: Lets get her!!!!

Authoress: AHHHHHHHH! (Flees the scene)

Elphaba: Finally

Galinda: Look its tomorrow! ........Oh I know what we should do! Let make you popular!

Elphaba: Please don't break out into song

Galinda: "Popular! Your gonna be pup-u-hoo-lur! I'll teach you the proper ploys when you talk to boys, little ways to flirt and flounce!"

Authoress: YOU FAIL You forgot the intro. "Whever I see someone less fortunate than I......"

Galinda: STOP BUTTING IN (Gags Authoress)

Elphaba: Ummm Thank you Galinda. May I now be free of your singing and makeup? Mind you I will climb out the window if I have to.

Galinda: Oh no you don't! I need to attempt to turn your frock....dress....thing into a ballgown!

Elphaba: Joy......

Galinda: FAKE MAGIC SPELLTIME

Elphaba: .............

Galinda: ..............

Galinda: Damn it! here maybe this pink flower will make you popular

Elphaba: Since I am terrified of the thought of me actually being pretty, I'm going to leave now. RUNS AWAY

Galinda: Elphie wait! Can I call you Elphie? Oh whatever wait!!!!!

Authoress: Ha ha I'm back!

Galinda: You again! Stop making this more of a crackfic than it needs to be!

Authoress: Never!!! Mwahahaa! And because you have been feautured more in this fic than other characters, the next part of this parody will be about them and not you!

Galinda: .........Meany

**A/N: Please review! (For more virtual Halloween candy)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Well I've had a crappy week, so what do I do? I write crack-fic humor. Nothing illogical about that. Nope. Anyway this chapter was written in a few of the classes in which my attention goes away from it in about ten minutes. (AKA Math and History). I apologize for any extreme randomness.**

**Hope you enjoy this next chapter! (And don't forget to leave a review)**

**~The Enchanted Broomstick (Oh yes I have forgotten to mention that I have changed my penname. This is still missabnormal241, just switched names).**

Elphaba: Okay! I think I've got it now! Toss...Toss. Ahhhhh! (Falls down) Argh! How is it even possible to fall while doing that.

Fiyero: HA HA HA HA.....Wait a minute.....are you wearing makeup?

Elphaba: O can it, Princey

Dr. DillamondL Class! I am being dragged out of here by homicidal looking scientists! AVENGE ME!!!

Elphaba: Well are we going to just sit here on our Shiz-uniform clad butts and do nothing??

-Silence-

Elphaba's continued rant: Ungrateful, snobby, ignorant vegetable haters.....

Dr. Nikidik: Hello class? I have a lion Cub.....erm cub in this cage.

Elphaba: Alright, now I'm really starting to get mad

Dr. Nikidik: Gather around while I hit it with this mallet!

Authoress: You fail Dr. Nikidik, big time.

Elphaba: For once I agree with the Authoress.........SAVES CUB WITH RANDOM OUTBURST OF MAGIC CAUSED BY RAGE!

(Students plus Dr. Nikidik start flailing limbs around).

(Fiyero is also doing this, as he is unaware that he can stop).

Authoress: Fiyero. Fiyero. FIYERO!!!!!

Fiyero: What? (Is still flailing limbs around)

Authoress: You know the spell didn't affect you right?

Fiyero: It didn't? (Stops flailing limbs) Oh....

Authoress: Now go help Elphaba with the lion cub?

Fiyero: Uh.....Why?

Authoress: JUST DO IT!

Fiyero: Did you drink coffee again this morning?

Authoress: NO......well yes actually, but that's beside the point. I'm just stressed over the fact that you are about to miss the moment when you fall in love......never mind.

Fiyero: Okay then....Elphaba wait up!

**

Elphaba: Come on! We have to get the cub to safety before all the Fiyeraba fanatics find us!

Fiyero: Why don't you try carrying a lion cub without shaking it to much, while wearing extremely tight pants?!?

Elphaba: You know what.....

Cub: Hey! I'm currently being traumatized for life is this thing!

Fiyero and Elphaba: Sorry...

(They move closer to the cage, and their hands touch. A Disney moment occurs. Fireworks explode, a chorus sings, and a crab, actually a Crab if you want to get technical about it, randomly appears out of nowhere).

Sebastian:

Sha la la la la la

My oh my

Looks like the boys to shy

Ain't gonna kiss the girl

(Imagine a really sappy almost kissing scene)

Sebastian continues:

Sha la la la la la

Ain't it sad?

Ain't it a shame?

Too bad he's gonna miss the girl

Fiyero: Ummmm.....

Elphaba: Yah....Want to pretend like that never happened?

Fiyero: Works for me...I guess.

-Several seconds pass-

Fiyero: Okay I'm kinda freaking out, because I think I might be falling in love with you, so I'm going to run away in the obvious wrong direction.

(He takes the cub and leaves)

Elphaba: Hands touch, eyes meet, sudden silence-

Madame Morrible: Sorry to interrupt your little moment, but I have just received a text from the Wizard!

Elphaba: A text?

Madame Morrible: Oh whatever, he wants to meet you!

Elphaba; In this rain? I'll ruin my hair!

Authoress: Umm OOC much? You truly have been Galindified

Elphaba: Shut up! Or I'll do what Nessa accidentally does to Boq in Act II!

Authoress: I stand corrected.

Madame Morrible: WEATHER MAGIC SPELL

Elphaba: Instant sunshine! Win!

Madame Morrible: Anyway the Wizard expects you tomorrow!

Elphaba; OMGLEE I can't believe it! Thank you Madame Morrible!

Madame Morrible: Your welcome dear! Is thinking: She'll be an evil criminal by the end of the week, just like all the others.....(Cackles and disappears)

Elphaba; I can't wait to be accepted by all of Oz!

Authoress: Yah, you keep thinking that...

Elphaba: You say something?

Authoress: Nope, nope, just enjoy your freedom while it lasts.

Elphaba: What do you mean?

Authoress: Nothing.......Bye!

Elphaba: Okay......And there will finally be the WIzard and- Ah screw it! I'm going to the Emerald City! WOOT!

**A/N: Thanks for reading! I don't know when I'll update this, but I'll try to be quick.**

**:D :P**


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